The worry.ness of getting into which uni and which course have been kicking on others since like, since they got their STPM results? or since they submitted the uni application form? I seriously don't know. I don't have the worry.ness kicking me all this while, why? Maybe I'm looked down on the people who's applying Psychology? Maybe I'm too confident with myself? Or maybe I'm living in my own fantasy of getting into psychology course and come out with master's cert and go on with my life as a psychology lecturer?!
Yes! I do live in my fantasy for long. I wanted psychology so badly that I think I can get it. But seriously, I just don't get it now. Felt the depression I have now? Well, chill, I was depress the second I know I didn't get psycholody, I'm even depress when I know I got Biotech. It's because Biotech, I was trying to fill in the space only wei, but now I got it, how?!
When I joined a church camp last year and Uncle Jacker asked us what is our ambition. Without a second thoughts, I told him I want to be a psychologist, well, not really psychologist but I want knowledge about psychology. Then he told me psychology is a different from bible. What bible says is facts, is God's word, is truth. While psychology is just theory, is assumption, is theory, is statistic from research. He told me to have strong foundation of bible knowledge before I stepped into psychology field because my faith might get eaten up by the knowledge of psychology. At that point of time, I didn't tell myself to give up on psychology. Instead, I want to use my knowledge in psychology to preach the gospel 1 day. I don't if this works but I believe something can be done. Therefore I'm inspired more of taking up psychology. I wanted to do something more to glorify Him. To let people know Him. But now all it left is, how to glorify Him and preach His word with Biotech? And another question to myself, will the facts and theory in science blind me from God's words and His works on earth?
I believe that He is true. I believed that He saved me. I believed that He died hanging on the cross for my sins, not only mine, but yours too. I have experienced what I called it "Hell", that's when I turned to God and I know what I experienced wasn't even near to the real hell because He heard my prayer and He hold me up till now He's still holding me. Want to know what's the real hell is? Its not what you see in the movie with fire and demons all around. Even if there's fire and demon down there, it wasn't the scariest thing yet. The scariest thing is that when you pray and you heard no reply, when you are desperate for Him and He will not be there. Why I talked so much about God? Because I know clearly this is what God has for me. There must be something I have to achieve in there and I'm taking it up. I'll still appeal because I'm very self-centered and I eagerly want what I want but still I won't lose faith in His decisions.
I know I blah.ed too much and people who don't believe in God and clicked "X" half way reading, I hope you find God someday. N for people that you're reading this line. I know you're my good friend for sure and I just hope that you put yourself at a neutral state and think. Go and find out what God really has done for us. I'm sure you know the name Jesus Christ but do you know who is He? Do you know what He has done for us? Do you ever asked question about Him? Do you ever try to know Him a little bit more? Go and know this great man who's greater than Steve Jobs, greater than Will Smith, greater than anyone on earth. I pray to God that whoever's reading this you'll find God someday and turn to him and repent for your sins.
Finally, the above is just pure blah.ing about my faith and my eager to know Him more and my eager for you to find Him. This is what I sincerely wanna tell you this. At the moment you might feel lost, feel depress, feel sucky, feel alone, feel odd, feel everything you can feel. Just remember this, no matter you have faith in God or not, He's the one looking at you and planning for you. His plan is perfect and as long as you have faith in Him, He'll give you more than what you deserve. Feeling weak, turn to Him and pray for strength. Feeling lost and alone, turn to Him and pray for comforts. He is almighty and only by you turning to Him, He'll show you who He is. Believe!
Thanks for reading this post. Hope you find something here as you reading this.
Good day and may God bless you :)
Reminder to self: God doesn't give me what I deserve, He gives me what I need. If I get what I deserve, I wouldn't be here typing this anymore.
Regards,
PangkyPang
